I employed a stranger to act as my boyfriend for a single afternoon since my ex was bringing the woman he chose over me. I anticipated whispers, pity, perhaps a harsh laugh by the pool. What I did not foresee was that this stranger would notice one small habit of mine and make everyone aware of who had taught it to me first.
I nearly canceled when Daniel emerged from his car.
He was far too attractive.
That was my first absurd thought.
Not friendly-looking. Not safe-looking. Attractive.
He was far too attractive.
Tall, broad-shouldered, dark-haired, with sunglasses tucked into his hair and a white shirt neatly rolled at the sleeves. He walked as if the walkway was meant for him.
I stood on my porch in my blue sundress, clutching the doorframe.
The dress had faded from years of laundry. Comfortable. Soft. A bit tighter around my waist than it had been before three pregnancies and 15 years of family dinners where I always ate last.
I had changed outfits six times before deciding on the blue dress again.
The dress had faded from years of laundry.
Daniel smiled as he reached the steps.
“Maggie?”
My mouth moved before common sense could intervene.
“I’m sorry. I don’t resemble my photos anymore.”
He hesitated.
Not long enough to be rude.
Just long enough for me to hear myself.
Then he remarked, “You apologized before introducing yourself.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t resemble my photos anymore.”
I laughed because I had nowhere else to channel my embarrassment.
“Sorry. Hi. I’m Maggie.”
His expression shifted slightly at the second apology.
He extended his hand.
“Daniel.”
Behind me, my youngest daughter shouted that someone had taken her goggles. One of the twins retorted that goggles were communal property. A towel slid down the stairs like a flag of surrender.
He extended his hand.
“Sorry,” I said, stepping aside. “They’re excited.”
Daniel glanced past me into the chaos.
“Looks like kids heading to a pool party.”
I picked up the cooler before my hands could start to tremble.
The truth was, I hadn’t hired Daniel out of a desire for revenge.
I hired him because Ryan was going to be there.
And Lucille would be at his side.
I hired him because Ryan was going to be there.
Three months earlier, Ryan had stood in our kitchen while the dishwasher hummed and our youngest daughter’s spelling test rested on the counter.
“I want a divorce,” he stated.
I thought I must have misheard him.
Then he added, “I’m with Lucille now.”
“I want a divorce.”
Lucille was his secretary.
Ten years younger.
Polished in a manner I hadn’t been since the first baby spit up on my favorite blouse.
Ryan observed my face crumble.
Then he looked at my body.
“Understand this, Maggie. You’re not the woman I married. You used to be slim. Now you’re simply not attractive enough for me anymore.”
“You used to be slim.”
He articulated it as if explaining a bill.
***
After he left, he took Lucille everywhere.
Restaurants. Work functions. His cousin’s birthday. Even to his mother’s house.
“Lucille used to model,” he told people.
Always loudly.
Always close enough for me to hear.
He took Lucille everywhere.
So when Elaine, Ryan’s mother, invited me and the kids to her annual Fourth of July pool party, I declined.
“Maggie,” she told me, “you’re still family.”
“Ryan will be there, Elaine.”
“I know.”
“With her.”
A long silence ensued.
Then Elaine said, “Don’t let him make you disappear from places where you belong.”
“You’re still family.”
I wanted to trust her.
Instead, I searched for actors online at midnight.
Daniel was the third profile I clicked.
***
During the drive to Elaine’s house, I apologized for everything.
For traffic.
For the air conditioner being too chilly.
For my daughter leaving fingerprints on Daniel’s window.
I apologized for everything.
Daniel didn’t mention any of it.
He responded to the kids’ inquiries instead.
Yes, he had been in commercials.
No, he was not famous.
Yes, he had once played a pirate at a dental convention.
He was not famous.
My daughter gasped. “Did you have a sword?”
“A toothbrush,” Daniel replied.
The kids erupted in laughter.
For a few moments, the car felt light.
Then we turned onto Elaine’s street.
Ryan’s truck was already parked in the driveway.
Next to it sat Lucille’s white convertible.
My stomach dropped so suddenly I almost missed the brake.
Ryan’s truck was already parked in the driveway.
Daniel noticed.
He didn’t say, “Relax.”
He didn’t say, “You’ve got this.”
He only waited until I parked, then asked, “Ready?”
I wasn’t.
But I took a deep breath.
“Yes.”
I wasn’t.
***
Elaine’s backyard looked just as it always did every July.
The pool sparkled blue under the sun.
Red, white, and blue streamers twisted from the fence.
Kids ran barefoot across the grass while someone shouted at them to slow down.
The grill smoked near the patio, and the table overflowed with ribs, deviled eggs, watermelon, and cupcakes adorned with tiny flags stuck in the frosting.
The pool sparkled blue under the sun.
For a moment, I almost believed I could endure it.
Then I spotted Ryan.
He stood by the grill with one hand resting on Lucille’s waist.
She wore a red swimsuit under a sheer white cover-up. Her hair cascaded in perfect waves. She appeared cool in the heat, untouched by sweat, motherhood, or humiliation.
I almost believed I could endure it.
Ryan had not seen me yet.
He was laughing at something his brother said.
He looked comfortable within the life he had taken from me.
Then he turned.
His eyes found Daniel first.
Then me.
His smile shifted.
His eyes found Daniel first.
Elaine reached us before he did.
“Maggie,” she said, enveloping me in a hug. “Oh, sweetheart. You look beautiful.”
I tugged at the side of my dress.
“It’s old.”
Her arms tightened around me for half a second.
Before she could respond, Ryan’s voice sliced through the patio.
“Well! This is interesting.”
“It’s old.”
Conversations dwindled.
People pretended not to look while looking anyway.
Ryan approached us with Lucille beside him.
“Maggie,” he said.
His gaze slid over Daniel.
“And who’s this?”
Conversations dwindled.
Daniel stepped forward calmly.
“Daniel. Maggie’s boyfriend.”
The term boyfriend seemed to linger between the patio stones and the sky.
Ryan stared.
Then he laughed.
“Him??”
Heads turned.
“Daniel. Maggie’s boyfriend.”
Ryan pointed at Daniel, then at me.
“Your boyfriend?”
Heat crept up my neck.
Lucille glanced down into her drink, but I caught the smile she was attempting to hide.
Ryan laughed harder.
“Come on, Maggie! You clearly paid him to come here with you.”
The yard fell silent.
“You clearly paid him to come here with you.”
Not entirely.
A child splashed in the pool.
Ice shifted in someone’s cup.
But the adults ceased speaking.
I felt every gaze touch my face, my dress, my body, and my hands.
The adults ceased speaking.
My fingers slipped from Daniel’s hand.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
I didn’t know to whom I was apologizing.
Daniel’s hand found mine again.
“Don’t be,” he said.
Ryan’s smile sharpened.
“Does the boyfriend package include hand-holding, or is that extra?”
I didn’t know to whom I was apologizing.
Elaine stiffened.
My oldest son stood near the pool with a towel around his shoulders, observing his father.
Daniel looked at Ryan.
“Does the ex-husband package include humiliating the mother of your children in front of them, or do you do that for free?”
Someone gasped.
Ryan swallowed, his throat tightening against whatever he was about to say.
“Do you do that for free?”
“It was a joke,” he retorted.
Daniel nodded once.
“Interesting choice.”
Somehow, the silence following his words felt worse than shouting.
***
The party attempted to resume.
Music played again. Kids raced toward the diving board. Someone inquired if the burgers were ready. Plates were passed. Lemonade spilled. Elaine’s sister complained about mosquitoes.
But the day had altered its shape.
“It was a joke.”
Ryan continued to watch Daniel.
At first, I thought he was waiting for Daniel to falter.
To prove he was a fraud.
Daniel didn’t give him anything.
He helped my daughter open a juice box. He asked my sons about baseball and listened as if their answers mattered. He admired Elaine’s garden. When an older aunt dropped her napkin, he picked it up before she reached for it.
He never overdid anything.
That made him convincing.
Ryan kept observing Daniel.
Lucille noticed Ryan’s gaze.
At first, she leaned against him more. She laughed too brightly. She touched his arm whenever Daniel spoke to me.
Then her laughter faded.
I noticed because I was trying not to notice Ryan.
Trying not to notice how my own hands kept returning to my waist.
Lucille noticed Ryan’s gaze.
Smooth the dress.
Pull the fabric.
Cross my arms.
Step aside.
Stay useful.
I carried paper plates from the kitchen.
“Sorry, excuse me.”
I carried paper plates from the kitchen.
I wiped lemonade off the patio table.
“Sorry, let me get that.”
When my daughter dripped ketchup near Daniel’s shoe, I grabbed a napkin.
“I’m sorry.”
Daniel looked at the red spot on the stone, not his shoe.
“It’s ketchup, Maggie.”
I laughed faintly.
“It’s ketchup, Maggie.”
Still, my hands trembled as I cleaned it.
Daniel observed.
He did not comfort me.
He did not correct me.
He stored it away.
He did not comfort me.
***
By late afternoon, Elaine clapped her hands.
“All right, everyone. Family picture before the kids turn into raisins.”
People groaned and gathered beneath the large oak tree at the far end of the patio.
It was tradition.
Same tree.
Same angle.
Every Fourth of July.
I had been in 15 of those pictures.
It was tradition.
Initially, I stood beside Ryan with his arm around me.
Then with babies on my hip.
Then with toddlers tugging at my dress.
Then gradually, year by year, farther toward the edge.
Children knelt in front. Adults formed a line behind them. Lucille stood beside Ryan, smiling as if she had earned the spot.
Initially, I stood beside Ryan with his arm around me.
Elaine pointed to the last empty chair near the center.
“Maggie, sweetheart, sit here.”
I shook my head immediately.
“No, someone else should have it.”
I stepped backward.
“No, someone else should have it.”
My heel bumped the cooler.
“Sorry, I don’t want to mess up the picture,” I added.
Daniel looked at me.
Then at the chair.
Something quiet settled over his face.
Daniel looked at me.
He reached for the chair and slid it toward me.
The metal legs scraped across the patio.
Everyone heard.
Elaine lowered the camera.
Daniel’s voice was gentle.
“Why is everyone else’s comfort automatically more important than yours?”
I stared at him.
Daniel’s voice was gentle.
There was no answer within me.
Only the dreadful awareness that people were watching again.
Daniel didn’t look at Ryan.
He looked at me.
“Can I tell you something I’ve noticed today?” Daniel asked.
A hot, sharp sting anchored itself right at the base of my tongue.
I nodded.
There was no answer within me.
He spoke softly, but every person under that tree heard him.
“Every time something happened, you assumed it was your fault, Maggie.”
The yard went silent.
“Traffic.”
A pause.
“Your kids being kids.”
“You assumed it was your fault, Maggie.”
My fingers curled against my palm.
“Your dress.”
My eyes burned.
“Ryan laughing.”
No one breathed.
“And now a chair someone offered you.”
I let out a small, embarrassed laugh.
“I didn’t realize, Dan… I…”
My eyes burned.
Daniel’s face softened.
“I know.”
That was the part that hurt.
Not because it was cruel.
Because it wasn’t.
Daniel glanced around the family, then back at me.
“One of the first things actors learn is how to occupy space without apologizing for it,” he said. “A stage appears empty until someone decides they belong on it.”
That was the part that hurt.
No one interrupted.
He did not raise his voice.
He did not accuse Ryan.
Then Daniel said, “People don’t learn to apologize before they speak unless someone teaches them.”
Ryan shifted.
For the first time all day, he seemed uncertain.
He did not accuse Ryan.
“She wasn’t like that when we met,” Ryan confessed.
Daniel turned to him.
“No.”
That was all.
But it opened something.
“She wasn’t like that when we met.”
Elaine looked down at the camera in her hands.
My oldest son stared at his father with a face I had never seen on him before.
And I knew what he was remembering.
Not one significant thing.
Small moments.
I knew what he was remembering.
Ryan ordering for me because I “took forever.”
Him joking that I should skip dessert.
That long, heavy sigh when I spoke too long.
Praising Lucille’s body at the same table where I served his children dinner.
Him joking that I should skip dessert.
I had apologized until everyone mistook silence for peace.
***
Then Lucille moved.
Slowly, she lifted Ryan’s hand off her waist.
He looked down.
“What are you doing?”
Everyone mistook silence for peace.
She did not respond at first.
Her eyes were on me.
Not smug now.
Not pretty in the victorious way she had been all afternoon.
Frightened.
She did not respond at first.
Then she asked, “Do I apologize this much too?”
Ryan’s face went pale.
“Lucille.”
She waited.
He said nothing.
The silence answered for him.
Lucille looked at Ryan as if the future had briefly opened its mouth.
“Do I apologize this much too?”
Then she grabbed her purse from a lounge chair and walked across the patio.
At the gate, she began to run.
Ryan took two steps after her.
“Lucille, come back.”
“NO!”
Everyone was watching.
At the gate, she began to run.
Daniel pulled the chair out again.
This time, I sat.
My blue sundress wrinkled beneath me.
I let it.
Elaine raised the camera with trembling hands.
Just before the flash, my youngest climbed into my lap and wrapped both arms around my neck.
This time, I sat.
The chair was almost too small for us.
For once, I did not move.
For once, I did not apologize.
Because I finally recognized that I was entitled to take up space.
And I didn’t need to say sorry for something that never broke anyone’s heart.
I was allowed to take up space.